My Voice

Dear me,

I know today feels dark and so did yesterday and the day before. I know you feel like you are drowning. I know you desperately want to feel better. I know this is not what you had expected. I know you have lost yourself. But I also know you will get through this, you will feel better, you will have brighter days, you will find yourself again. Please be kind to yourself, be patient, give yourself a break. Give yourself time. You are doing the best you can and that is enough. You are enough. Reach out. Find support. Take one day at a time. You will get there.

From me.

Dear me,

I know your feeling so out of touch with who you are and that you no longer want to carry on anymore, but you need to hang in there. Things are going to get so much better.

You are in a tunnel with no end at the moment and don’t feel connected to anything or anyone, but this will all change once you realise you need to open up. Your partner is recommending you speak to the doctors as its all taking a toll on your relationship. I know this is hard to hear but it will be the best thing to happen.

I know talking doesn’t come easy to you especially about your emotions and past traumas, but you will find a special connection with an amazing therapist who will open up all your closed doors and help you realise your worth in this world. We are all a little broken or bruised. This will open a passion to help other parents in similar situations in the future.

Having young children is exhausting and you are racked with mum guilt but the exhaustion doesn’t last forever and its normal to feel the mum guilt, you will find that you are one amazing imperfect mum like everyone else that should feel confident about your decisions and able to go with the flow on things that are out of your control. Most of the time : )

Happiness and feeling your emotions seem so far away in this current moment but this will change, yes sometimes you will still struggle with the numb feeling but this will become less and less, you will be able to feel love, happiness, anger and everything else once again.

There will always be struggles but coping with them will become much easier. You will get time to drink a hot cup of tea and read that book you keep on trying to read.

You are so loved and very much needed in this world. Keep going!!

To me,

I know you are struggling. I know this is not what you envisioned. Things are harder than you ever could have imagined or prepared for. Nobody warned you about this, why would they? It is pretty gloomy I know.

It is ok. You are ok. It will be ok.

You don’t believe it right now I know, it is so dark where you are, but Light is coming, better days are coming.

You are not a bad person, and you are most definitely not a bad mum.

You are ill. You are battling. That is ok.

I know the days are long and the nights even longer. I know you miss you, your life, and your body.

You resent your partner, you hate him at times as he seems so unfazed about what is going on and his life continues as it did before, whereas your life seems still and silent.

Things are taking it’s toll and that only hurts even more. It is so hard for you. You feel so alone and trapped.

I see you. I feel you. I am with you.

You are surrounded by love, it is just hard to see right now.

You are so strong, so brave, so resilient, you just can’t see or believe it yet.

You really have got this, if only you knew just how much you have got this thing would feel so much simpler and easier.

It will get better for you, it does get better for you.

Love me