I never thought I would be sitting here writing this, for many different reasons. It took four rounds of IVF to conceive our son after having a little boy who was stillborn the previous year.
After the much anticipated birth of our son, he went into SCBU with water on the lungs and we were separated due to c-section recovery. It was in those first hours that I started to develop postpartum psychosis.
I had paranoid thoughts and believed the hospital were poisoning him and that he wasn’t safe anywhere. I was unable to sleep and experienced hallucinations.
It was picked up on and dealt with by the perinatal mental health team and with medication the psychosis subsided. Unfortunately as this happened I slipped into a deep depression and was admitted to a mother and baby unit in Manchester.
During the darkest period I had made plans to end my own life as I thought my family would be better off without me. I felt useless as a mother and often wondered if I had made a mistake having a baby.
I was in the unit for four months, all of which are a blur.
When I was eventually well enough to come home I started to look at support close to home which is when I found the peer support group at Light.
I had lost all my confidence and self esteem and going to the group has helped me to begin rebuilding these. I’m not much of a group person but the group is so friendly and supportive, sometimes I just need to hear that others are finding it hard too! It has been a life line for me.
Recovery can be long and slow but you do get there eventually; there is light at the end of the tunnel.